The Foreign Hands Are Listening To You

Your State TV loves you, dear children of Egypt. So please listen to its advice, and listen well: Don’t Talk to Foreigners!

Really?! Don’t help the foreign hands destabilise this country again, at the peak of its 7,000 year history. Don’t tell spies you spent one hour standing with your face in a brother’s armpit on the Metro. Don’t tell spies you spent 5 le on foul this morning, when it only cost 1.5 le one week ago. And definitely don’t tell spies about your top-secret job as a data entry clerk at the Ministry of Water.

Really?! The dark forces of Mossad, MI6, and the CIA will use these sensitive state secrets to sow further chaos and infect your vulnerable minds.

Really?! Every word has a price; a word can save a nation!

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Foreign Hands Infect Egypt’s Cows

Foreign Hands Infect Egypt's Cows

The Cow calls outHa Ha

After coming into contact with FAO agents, a shadowy international organisation counting the USA and Israel as members, it has emerged that over 40,000 proud Egyptian cows have been infected with a deadly Western disease.

The foreign hands brought the British foot-and-mouth disease from Libya to Egypt by smuggling infected foreign cows through secret tunnels, according to Minister of Agriculture Mohammed Rida Ismail. It is likely the sick English cows were air-dropped into Libya during NATO’s bombing campaign last year.

Dark forces are at work destabilising Egypt by striking at its domestic food production capabilities. These agents have the blood of over 4.5 thousand Egyptian cows on their foreign hands.

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